I banked up my internets, and now that I was low on funds, I tried to spend them. I decided to try to simply get some potato chips.

“that’s 1.49″

“how much is that in internets?”

“Excuse me”

“I don’t have any Canadian dollar on me, but I do have some Internets to my name; how many internets is that worth.

“we don’t take internets”

Imagine my horror, in discovering that this entire exchange of internets between online personas was nothing more then a sham. I stopped eating entirely, not because I lost my appetite but because I had quit my job under the impression that the many internets I’d earned over the years would be more then enough to sponsor my early retirement.

Every store I tried either said “we don’t take internets”, started laughing, or called for security. the security personnel were even worse, I tried bargaining with them- “if you let me go, I’ll give you some of my internets!” but they were unresponsive. could it be that the 8 dollars an hour they were making was somehow more valuable then the completely unquantifiable representation that is the internet?

A word of advice to all those like me- do NOT try to spend your internets! they are worthless! when somebody says “+1 internetz for you” it is do not open up your checkbook and try ot pay off that money you owe your mother in law by writing “pay to the order of Ms. Schelzburg the sum of +1 internets and +2 intranets” It doesn’t work. It’s a sham I tell you!